


Love is Double Blind

by hanabimonai



Series: Falling Together [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Double Dating, Drama, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Love Heals All, M/M, Psychological Trauma, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-18
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-21 11:20:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/597149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanabimonai/pseuds/hanabimonai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Double Dates are awkward enough on their own, but what happens if you start falling for your <i>friend's</i> date instead of your own? Allen/Kanda/Allen and Lavi/Lena. Beware of potty mouths and some violence. AU, for Yullen Week 2012. :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Masks and Walls

**Author's Note:**

> My very first Yullen Week entry, y'all! And my first (nearly) completed AU! This fic's really been flying off my keyboard, I LOVE it so.
> 
>  ****Apologies to those waiting on updates to Heaven & Hell!** orz**  
> I had this story idea I really loved and it fit a bunch of the YW themes, so I started on it at the beginning of December. I'm just finishing up the last chapter for this one now! I'll definitely be back to writing for H&H very soon, and will post the next chapter as soon as I can. I appreciate your patience!
> 
> I hope you can all enjoy reading this story as much as I have, writing it. =)

Peeking out his apartment window, Allen is nervous as _hell_ … but he already decided he was going to _do_ this. He has, after all, taken great pains to choose _just_ the right ensemble to wear out this evening. He's neat and presentable but not formal, coordinated but not too _metro_. He has on his clean-style, logo-less _I'm-no-conformist-but-I-don't-like-to-stick-out-either_ black and white ringer tee, fashionably factory-worn jeans, and classic _look-at-me!-I'm-a-playful-and-fun-guy!_ red high tops. He also was especially careful with his hair; each and every strand set with painstaking perfection.

Lavi had assured him the girl was beautiful but also really nice, and smart too— it was a little intimidating how "perfect" _she_ sounded, but now that he's psyched himself up for the challenge of possibly being her match, he's ready.

Well. More or less.

He hopes to impress her, but that isn't _all_ his meticulousness is about.

" _Promise?"_

" _I promise— a-and… and I'll always put EVERYTHING into everything I do, a-and I'll—"_

" _Shhh Allen, don't worry. You don't have to do that much. Just keep—"_

" _But I will!_ You'll _see."_ Horror. _"No, I mean—"_

" _Allen, never forget I'm_ proud _of you. No matter what,_ always _proud." Laboured breaths. "I'm so sorry I won't be here to see you grow up— my one and only regret."_

" _I… love you, Mana. So don't worry, I'll never stop. I'll always keep walking…"_

" _Such a fine… young man… you're growing to be…"_

A couple of impatient honks blare out and Allen becomes aware a vehicle has pulled up right before his eyes— The big, shiny black truck he was told of. Quick once over in the mirror and cursory sniff test ( _'Good, just body spray._ '). All clear.

Lavi's head pokes out from the passenger side— "Allllen~ We're he~re~!"

He slides his window further open and shouts back: "Be right the~re~!"

His heart is pounding as he finally reaches the spotless truck, with its tinted windows. Inside, sitting only a couple of metres away on the back seat he'll momentarily be climbing into, is the girl Lavi insisted he should meet, but he can't see her yet— he only sees his own face reflected in the darkened glass— one last physical barrier in the way.

" _Don't wear the 'Mana mask,' Allen—"_

Cross' words. Why must they always float into mind when he's about meet someone new? No matter. Nothing wrong with having _some_ manners. Nothing _wrong_ with faking it a little, till you make it. It's how he's gotten through life, till now. It _works_.

"Hey, how's it going?" Lavi reaches his arm out the window to demand his embarrassingly childish 'secret' handshake. Allen indulges him, of course. (He doesn't want to give the impression he takes himself too seriously, after all.) "Okay dude, get in. Yuu's gonna blow a gasket over here if we stay put for too many more seconds."

An irritated voice emerges from within: _"You_ know _not to call me that, Baka-Usagi."_

_Alright, Allen Walker. Show time._

He opens up the rear door and— before his eyes have even adjusted enough for his brain to make sense of what's inside— he's wearing his calculatedly charming smile.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Kanda doesn't _do_ dates. That should go double for _double_ dates.

But then, here he _is,_ pulling up to some jerk's place to pick up the last of their so-called 'party of four.' More like 'party' of one couple plus two third wheels. Or maybe third and fourth wheels? Goddamnit, whatever.

It's a dysfunctional setup, no matter _how_ you look at it.

"Allllen~ We're he~re~!" The rabbit's in shotgun, being his usual loud self.

Lenalee's a quiet and unobtrusive ball of nerves in the back.

He isn't doing this for the reason that _Usagi_ _wants_. Fuck that. He's here for Lenalee, and Lenalee _only_.

See, any guy who wants to try to date Lenalee has to be hidden from her demented older brother. They've been over this, and Kanda will never get why it should matter so much to her, but 'sneaking around,' as she puts it, has always caused the girl some serious _guilt_. By age twenty-two, you'd think she'd grow out of neurotic BS like that, but this hangup of hers isn't showing any signs of going away. Kanda offered to knock some sense into the guy on more than one occasion, but Lenalee would have none of it.

Instead, she was always pleading with Kanda to tell her what he thinks of the guys she dates— usually by being the surrogate big brother who _just so happens_ to be lounging around nearby when a date comes to pick her up. At her insistence, he'd watch her chat with them, and appraise their behaviour. (Actually, some guys were such obvious creeps he'd bounce them out right away.)

But _this_ time? _This_ time he has to tag along like a goddamn chaperone. In _this_ day and age. This was what he got for allowing that idiot rabbit to meet her once while visiting his bookstore and bistro.

He should have known the two of them would hit it right off, giggling away while one used Kanda's given name in _public,_ and the other shared her infuriating stories about him as a little boy. She smiled a lot while they talked, and even asked about him a few times since then. Since the rabbit was doing the same, Kanda finally just gave her the guy's number so they could do all their girly gossiping on their own. At least, he thought, that might mean less of the rabbit creeping on him.

Well, in _theory_. In _actuality_ however, the young business owner clearly isn't planning on getting off his back(side) anytime soon. Same as ever, the bastard is as committed as Kanda _isn't_ to the idea of them continuing to be ' _friends_ with benefits.'

The 'benefits' part is fine, but the _rest_ of that idea sucks ass, as far as Kanda's concerned. He likes sex, and why shouldn't he? But he has no need for all the messy _attachments_ everyone else always seems to want to bring in and complicate things with. "Friends" can far too easily mutate into "boyfriends."

Boyfriends… are not something Kanda wants to have to think about.

At the same time, however, Kanda Yuu isn't about to _pay_ for sex, or start meeting random guys in public restrooms or some shit, so doing it with Lavi isn't the _worst_ option out there. At least, it works for _now_. But God help the guy if he ever tries getting all lovey-dovey. (Or if he dares to call himself Kanda's _"fuck bunny"_ again.)

Kanda drums his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently, sending an inquiring side glance at the passenger side _idiot._

"Look— he's just coming out the door there. Keep your pants on… well, for _now_ —" Kanda is about to threaten the redhead when he calls out the window again: "Hey, how's it going?"

 _Great, now he's reaching his arm out the window._ _"Tch."_

"Kanda," Lenalee starts, "Please, be _nice."_

He sighs aloud, as if to somehow repel the plea itself. "As long as this guy behaves, keeps out of my face, and minds his own business, I'm not getting involved."

She should know that's the best she can hope for.

"Okay dude, get in. Yuu's gonna blow a gasket over here if we stay put for too many more seconds."

The _fuck?_ "You _know_ not to call me that, _Baka-Usagi."_

Now a pale, skinny _kid_ begins to step into the car, dopey grin plastered across his face. Kanda had heard about the freakish white hair and strange facial mark, but is this _clown_ really supposed to be twenty-one years old? _Tch,_ whatever. Least he's not twice her age like that _'Bak'_ creep was. Kanda plants his eyes firmly on the road ahead— even though the truck's still stopped.

"Hey," the brat says softly, apparently as his opening greeting to Lenalee.

"Hi," she answers back, not-so-softly.

"So you're _Lenalee_ — It's so great to meet you!"

"Same here… Allen."

"Umm… you look _nice."_

"Thanks."

Kanda just about gags on the nervous expressions he sees in the rearview mirror. "We ready to go?"

"You must be… Kanda? Allen Walker—" Like hell is Kanda taking that hand the kid's offering. And that _sickening_ artificial smile… "I've heard so much about you from Lavi. It's nice to finally be able to put a f—"

He starts the truck to drown the boy's words out… but that _arm_ is still there. The blatantly fraudulent simper, however, has morphed into something a little more honest— still there, yet slightly strained. _Indignant_. Not that he gives a fuck but at least the kid has _some_ backbone.

However, Kanda Yuu doesn't give in so easily. After making eye contact with the brat through the rearview to establish his intent, he lets out his most dismissive _"Tch,"_ and with that, checks his side mirror and turns out into traffic. (All he knows is that wherever they're going is on the far end of town, but that book-loving _idiot_ is admittedly a genius when it comes to navigating the way to new places, so Kanda will let him handle directions.)

He takes great satisfaction in the confused furrowing of snowy-white brows, and slowly retracting hand.

"Aww, don't mind Yuu, Allen—"

"I said don't call me that!"

"He's just got his own unique way of sayin' hello."

"That's funny, Lavi. Somehow I got the _distinct_ impression he wasn't saying anything to me at _all,"_ Allen quipped, sending a pointed glare back at Kanda through the mirror.

"I'm sorry, that's just how he is," Lenalee sighs. "Also, I think I might have put him in a bad mood earlier—"

"Nah, I'm sure it doesn't have anything to do with you, Lena-babe. Right Yuu?"

 _"Baka-Usagi,"_ Kanda calmly begins as a warm hand sweeps up his denim-covered thigh. "Get your hands off me before I personally remove them from _both_ of us."

"He even threatens his own partner with bodily harm? _Charming,_ that."

This Walker brat, with his stupid accent and _needling_ attitude _—_ He already seems to be asking for it. Almost as badly as the redhead seated to the right. For now, Kanda shoots him a dirty look, and of course, the kid _would_ be all immature and stick out his tongue back. Kanda rolls his eyes and returns attention to the road, once again.

"Kanda can be kind of… _impenetrable_ … but he really _is_ a really good person, on the _inside_. We've known each other since childhood, so I should know."

"Right, just like the lovely lady said, Allen."

"Anyways," begins the one who has already become _the_ most annoying ever date of Lenalee's he's ever encountered, "Where are we going?"

"I'm so excited!"

 _Usagi_ excited? This _can't_ be good.

"Allen, you've got a weakness for mitarashi dango from your time in Japan, right?" Lavi prompts. So that brat's been to Japan too?

Out of the corner of his eye, Kanda catches Walker nodding yes and grinning. "Maybe… a _little."_

 _Dango?_ Seriously? Can this brat get any more childish?

But wait, if there's _dango,_ then that means—

"Well Yuu here's a bit of a soba addict, himself. Lena and I are pretty easy, so we decided to go to that new Japanese specialty restaurant and entertainment _paradise_ , "Shouyu and Dashi." You know, the one that opened a few months back? With the huge garden, practically on the edge of town?"

"Cool! It's a little out of the way, so I still haven't made it to that one—"

"Well, we've got a ride today!"

Kanda throws a scowl in the rabbit's general direction.

"Do you drive, yourself, Allen?" Lenalee asks.

This should be interesting.

"Sort of. I'm a fine driver, but given a choice I prefer to leave my car at home."

"Allen's got this way of going on auto-pilot and losing track of where he's going. Happens _all the time,_ it's so hilarious!"

" _Laviii,"_ Walker whines like a total baby.

"Once he was supposed to pick me up from the airport. My plane was delayed, so thankfully he was right there waiting for me— good thing 'cause I was _totally_ exhausted— but when we headed out, instead of taking me _home,_ he drove me to _his_ place instead! An' I was so tired myself I didn't even notice till we got there. Gotta wonder if he was trying to _tell_ me something there…"

Brat's got a hand over his face now, and this is classic _Usagi_. Only _that_ idiot would humiliate someone so thoroughly while he's on the very date he, himself set up for them. Priceless. Kanda is almost _sorry_ for the kid. But not quite. "Heh…"

"Something funny, Grumpy?"

"Yeah, _you_ are… Goofy."

"Arrrghhh, Lavi, how do you put up with him?"

It seems Kanda's retort hit the mark!

"Never mind him, Allen," Lenalee mediates as usual. "I'm a terrible driver, myself. Can't parallel park to save my life!"

"I'm sure you're not _that_ bad. Wait, you haven't _killed_ anybody, right?"

That single joke sparks up a nightmarish memory.

" _I… killed him."_

" _No. You. Didn't, Kanda. You know it was that group of… of bigoted_ bastards _—"_

_Lenalee, swearing._

" _I could have_ stopped _them._ They _could've been the ones bleeding into the gutter. There was no reason I_ shouldn't _have been there! It was me. I let Alma die."_

_Guilt, rage, despair, sickness—_

" _No one is blaming you, Kanda._ Please _don't do this to yourself. Alma wouldn't want—"_

 _Running. Creating_ distance.

" _Kanda, wait, listen to me!"_

_Car door slams shut._

_Panicked cry: "It wasn't your fault!"_

A hand lands on Kanda's shoulder. "Earth to Yuu? You're gonna miss the turn-off, dude…" The navigator points the way with his free hand.

" _What?_ Fuck!" He manages to slow slightly and swerve to the right lane at the last second.

"Hmph. Seems _someone_ had no place laughing at _me,_ earlier."

Smartass _brat_.

From here, Kanda decides to tune out the chatter. He only follows directions from the " _navi"_ —wordlessly and mindful of their surroundings. Arrival at their destination comes far more smoothly.

He pulls into a parking stall on the shadowed side of the large complex. As promised, there's also a very large Japanese garden nearby. Staring out that way, the thought comes to mind he could ditch everybody else for a while— let them dine together without him. Then he can take his time walking inside the walls of that garden until it's time to leave. Of course, the sun will have set by then, and it'll be dark. _Perfect._

" _The darkness surrounding you is so deep, I can't see how to pull you out of it—"_

Marie's gentle voice regrounds him. Damnit, he _promised_ Lenalee…

"We're here. Everybody out."


	2. Crescendo

"We're here. Everybody out."

Lenalee took only a second to pick some lint from her short (but not _mini-_ ) skirt and smooth it down a bit, so she isn't sure how Allen gets to her side of the truck so fast in order to open the door and take her hand as she steps out.

"Oh! Thanks," she blushes, embarrassed. "You didn't have to…"

Once she's out of the car, Kanda activates the automatic door locks… and scoffs aloud.

"What?" She expects he'll comment on her being last out of the car as usual.

Instead, Kanda cocks a thumb at Allen, smirking. "This one's kind of _short,_ isn't he?"

" _What?_ No I'm not!" Allen yells, outraged.

"Looks that way from _here_ , shorty," he taunts quietly, before sauntering off ahead of them toward Lavi— _Lavi_ who's already waving excitedly from the door.

Distracted from Kanda's behaviour, Lenalee smiles. The redhead's child-like enthusiasm is so endearing. A moment later, Allen turns sharply to face her looking vaguely concerned, and it occurs to her he's been glaring so hard at Kanda's _back_ , he probably didn't even _see_ Lavi. "Oh, no— I'm not— It's not _you_ , Allen. Look!"

She points and Lavi instantly begins to wave at them with both arms up above his head, shouting: "There'll be plenty of time for making out _later!_ Come on, let's _go!"_

"Oh my _God._ Shut _up,_ Lavi!" Allen calls back, turning just as red as she probably _should_.

Lenalee only doubts very slightly that he's _purely_ joking, but still, the doubt is there. As close as they've gotten over the past six months or so, Lenalee's known Lavi for the shortest amount of time out of everyone in this group. Still, his humour resonates with her.

She wants to laugh, but keeps quiet so her date won't get the wrong idea.

ॐ

Dinner is relatively subdued, with Allen the _gentleman_ pulling out Lenalee's chair, and then quite pointlessly giving Kanda the 'silent treatment.' Not only did Kanda probably not care, but Allen's 'legendary' (according to Lavi) portion sizes were clearly putting him off anyway. (Lenalee was a bit taken aback herself, but Allen's 'healthy' appetite wasn't that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.)

Still, she thought, it was a good thing all of this was Lavi's treat. He'd wanted everyone together so badly and the cost really wasn't going to be much to _him,_ after all.

Next up was karaoke— Japanese-style, so that meant _private_ rooms! It was a first for her, so Lenalee was kind of excited, herself… even despite all the leering the old man at the register was doing (presumably at the idea of a _girl_ in a short skirt going into a small room with _three guys)._ Still playing the gent, Allen calmly stepped by her side to take her hand, and gave the man a reproachful look. A bit embarrassing, since she didn't _really_ care what the guy thought. At the same time, she was also _kind of_ happy that Allen would defend her honour like that.

_Kind of?_

Already, Lenalee can tell something's been… _off_. She still doesn't know _what,_ but something's been nagging at her persistently since they first arrived here…

Apparently the place is just as popular as Lavi made it sound— a forty-five minute wait until they can get into their assigned room! After a drink together in the excessively fancy lounge, Kanda near-inaudibly mumbles something about fresh air before abruptly standing up to leave. Lavi stands up to follow with a far-off look in his eyes. After rapidly conferring with Lenalee, Allen lets him know that they'd _likely_ join the two of them in the garden in ten minutes or so.

"Sure~ If you can _find_ us~" Lavi perks up a bit to sing back over his shoulder, then hastens away to find Kanda.

Now, alone with Allen, that nagging feeling begins to intensify.

"So what do you do, Allen?"

"Well I'm a hairstylist actually—"

"Oh no wonder your hair's so… _cool!"_

"Ah thanks," he chuckles. "Been at it for a couple of years now and you know, Lavi's my most loyal regular customer. Met him when I was in school, apprenticing. He still visits me faithfully."

"Oh, so _that's_ how you met. How nice. So… can I come to your salon?" she asks playfully, before hastily adding; "It's not that expensive, right?"

"It's a _men's_ hair studio but we've made exceptions for friends before, so I don't see why not," he grins. "Our prices _are_ actually pretty high, I'd say— but don't worry about _that._ We can always work something out. How about you? What's _your_ occupation?"

"Restaurant server by day; model and actress by night— though technically the day and night part gets reversed a lot."

"Oh of course, it _suits_ you." his face lights up some, before turning slightly serious; "But don't you have your own stylist?"

"I'm uhhh… _between_ hairdressers right now," meaning her brother usually does trims for her, and she does the rest.

"Ah I see," he smiles again. "So I can expect you in our studio _soon_ then?"

Lenalee nods an energetic ' _yes_.' _Wait a minute— that_ smile _of his is too… professional._

"I understand you met Lavi through that _Kanda_ fellow?"

"Yup. Like I said before, he and I have known each other since we were kids. He met Lavi maybe about five years ago, when he was just getting into landscaping, and—"

"Oh, so that's what _he_ does, huh?"

"Yeah. They met when Lavi hired him to do the greenery around his store."

"Oh?" Allen turns toward the direction where the other boys made their exit, though the garden isn't at all visible from the mood-lit alcove into which their table is tucked away. A wry smile forms on his face. "Why do I have a hard time picturing a guy like _him_ with a spade and watering can?"

Lenalee laughs over the ridiculous image, embellishing it in her own mind with a straw hat and baggy overalls. "Ahahaha… no, no, it's not _quite_ like that. Landscaping is some heavy duty work, you know— improving soil conditions by hand or with rock-pickers and roto-tillers, planting new seedbeds, and so on— often over wide tracts of land—"

"So you're saying he's a _manly_ gardener?" Allen jokes, with a note of cheekiness.

"Well… yes? I _guess_. But I don't think it would be wise to put it that way to his _face."_

"No, I suppose not." He grins, and the smile he wears now is almost _devious—_

_This look on his face now… is more…_ genuine?

"Anyhow, you were saying— about how you and Lavi first met?"

_When he puts it_ that _way, it almost sounds like I'm dating_ Lavi!

"Right, of course. Kanda brought me to the store close to a year ago, so I could get help finding a rare book. Lavi was able to help with that in a snap—"

"He's pretty good…"

"—Mmhmm," she hums in agreement. "So we ended up having coffee and tea together in the café— the three of us," she smiles big; recalling the memory fondly. "But Lavi and I ended up talking lots about Kanda, so he got pretty upset."

"Hahaha… I'll _bet."_

_That grin again._

"It's been a bit of a while now. Feel like checking how those two are doing, Allen? The drinks are on the tab, so we can just leave whenever."

He stands hesitantly, looking conflicted and slightly flushed; "Well sure, as long as you think he's still… _expecting_ us?"

"Oh don't worry about interrupting something. Kanda wouldn't let Lavi get all that far in public," she explains as they begin to walk away, holding back a laugh at his prudishness.

"Oh? Why not? He's not… _embarrassed,_ is he?"

"I'm not _completely_ sure why, but I don't think it's embarrassment. Something _else…"_

"Hmm?"

"I don't know what to say really," except to outline the _truth_ as she sees it, but the other two wouldn't appreciate that. Lenalee doesn't believe Lavi's claims he wants more than what he and Kanda have right now. She doubts he even has _himself_ convinced of that.

"Lavi, at least, seemed pretty comfortable around him… though I guess it did seem Kanda wanted to _maim_ him, at times. Sort of makes me concerned for Lavi…"

"Oh don't worry. Kanda _cares_ about Lavi…" even if he has issues with something as simple as calling him a _friend._ "One thing to keep in mind; Kanda doesn't talk or interact with just _anybody_."

"Oh?"

"Actually, the way he's been riding _you_ off and on tonight, I'd say you've hit it off pretty well."

" _Really?"_ he breathes in disbelief, continuing incredulously; "So you're saying we'll be great _chums_ in no time?"

"Actually, yeah. You really _could_ be."

"I hope you'll pardon me for saying so, but I find that _very_ hard to believe."

_He can't be aware how wistful he looks now…_

"Oh I understand. But I've known Kanda for a _really_ long time. I've even seen him with his _family_. Once you know him a little better it's a cinch to see through the façade. Even when he covers it in annoyance, disinterest, or even pretend spite—"

"Pretend _spite?"_

"Yes, pretend spite."

" _Pretend_ spite."

"That's what I said."

"Maybe it's not my place to say, but after all I've heard from Lavi, it seems dreadfully one-sided, their relationship. Sorry, I know Kanda is very dear to you, but it makes me worry for Lavi a bit, to be honest. I don't want him to get hurt."

"It's okay. We've talked a lot about it too— _Lavi_ and I, I mean."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He's umm… it's hard to explain. He talks about Kanda like he's totally smitten… but I feel like he's… _not_ so interested in him as he tries to make it sound."

"Huh? I mean I know he likes to get overdramatic and exaggerate things, but—"

"Not like that. You know when there's something someone wants to tell you and you don't want to hear it? Sometimes you wanna plug your ears and go 'lalalalala!' to drown them out?"

"Yeah, sort of."

"Lavi's… kinda doing that I think. But… to _himself."_

"Come again?"

"What I mean to say is… he _cares_ about Kanda. I don't think he fakes the physical aspect either, but I have trouble believing he's really all that _attached_. I guess what I mean to say is that I think Lavi _acts_ infatuated just as much to convince _himself_ as he does for show. His heart's not in it anymore than Kanda's is."

" _What?"_

_Think, Lenalee!_

"Sorry, I— I've said too much!" She trembles with the waves of emotion overtaking her. She's usually not so careless about these things, but sometimes her thoughts and feelings grow so overpowering, words spill right out anyway. "L-let's go find those boys."

ॐ ॐ ॐ

The song ends, and though the person Lavi was singing _to_ is no longer in the room, he takes a bow for the other two, anyway.

The applause from Allen is somewhat half-hearted.

Lavi isn't stupid. Lavi isn't blind. Lavi isn't _deaf._

"Ugh, Lavi… I hate to say it, but—"

Okay, maaaaayyyyybe Lavi's a little _tone_ deaf. _And_ drunk. Probably drunk, too. Do you really need perfect pitch to sing great classics like The Beach Boys' "God Only Knows?"

"Shhh— Allen _stop,_ don't say it like _that!"_ Lenalee giggles, taking the wireless mic from Lavi's extended hand and leaning back into the couch as the opening bars of her next song begin. "You're gonna break the poor guy's heart—"

"But he _asked me,_ Lenalee! I _can't_ lie. He'll _know,"_ Allen declared woefully, apparently slightly drunk.

"Be _diplomatic_ about it," she prods, before bursting into song; " _Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me, I think they're okay~"_

"Don't like my singing, Allen?" Lavi asks, mock-serious.

"Well, erm… See, I'm not sure if that was _quite_ the right _song_ for you, Lavi. Maybe if you tried something else…?"

"The _typical_ dodge," Lavi accuses.

"Errr… no, I… uhhh…"

_Poor guy… he really thinks I'm offended._ _Allen's so good at reading people when he's sober, I never noticed before how a few drinks can make him so_ gullible…

Lavi teases Allen a little further before becoming bored and drawing him into a parody of a slow dance that has Allen blushing helplessly and Lenalee giggling into her microphone.

ॐ

"Why, Miss Lee! Did you just send _your_ date to retrieve _my_ date from the lobby?"

Lenalee looks conflicted a moment, but then Lavi turns up the exaggeration on his scandalized look and she goes back to giggling. He loves that melodious laugh.

"Yep. Sure did. They've only just met and yet Allen has a really… familiar… way of getting under his skin," she muses. "It'll work. Just watch—"

"Familiar, huh?"

"Nostalgic, even."

ॐ

Here they come as promised; grinning and triumphant Allen, and grumpy, stewing Yuu. What on earth the boy could have said, he didn't know, but Yuu seizes the karaoke remote from Lavi's hands with a vengeance, switches it to Japanese in a flash, and taps away on the touch screen while somehow looking like what he's doing is the equivalent of wringing _someone's_ neck.

The likely owner of that neck, however, is— rather than retreating directly back to Lenalee— watching the flurry of tapping over Yuu's shoulder, perhaps in order to fully experience and appreciate the man's unexpected karaoke-ing prowess.

"Allen?" Lenalee asks, sounding just a little concerned; "I know I told you not to worry about riling him up a bit, but what exactly did you _say?"_

"For now, I can't tell you anymore than that it's a _bet_." He grins evilly; a fiery, almost _savage_ light in his eyes; "And he's going to _lose."_

The song opens and Yuu's unexpectedly decent voice begins a low, soft (if somewhat disgruntled) croon. Lavi's flimsy 'inhibitions' are far enough gone for him to rope Lenalee into dancing like idiots on the couch seats together, and yet he notices something of even greater interest, before he pulls Allen up on the couches to join them.

Amidst all the distraction in their tiny, crowded room with its dimmed lights, loud wallpaper, table full of emptied glasses, and screen aglow with lyrics and cheesy karaoke video collages— and despite what Lavi would consider a date with a captivating beauty— Allen's gaze keeps returning to Yuu. More precisely, Lavi suspects, Yuu's _hair._

The music swells. Even as Lavi drunkenly pirouettes, and Allen takes his turn fake-waltzing with a laughing Lenalee on the very firm couch, he finds Allen keeps making faces at Yuu. Yuu uncreatively flips him the bird back, but has also begun to wear an amused smirk, himself.

Lavi isn't stupid. Lavi isn't blind. Lavi isn't _deaf._

It's almost as if, to the other two, the volume on him and Lenalee has been turned down, while the volume on the two of _them_ has been gradually rising. Strangely, Lavi finds it doesn't bother him nearly as much as it probably should, being _diminuendoed_. Lenalee doesn't seem to mind either. But the other two boys…

How are they so oblivious to their shared _crescendo?_


	3. Shelter

 

As Allen 'welcomes' his new client, he permits himself that the guy's got really gorgeous hair. He feels a tiny spike of adrenaline in his anticipation. Enjoying himself is certainly a luxury he can allow himself, considering what he's about to do. But he sure as hell won't compliment the man's hair _out loud._ "Have a seat, BaKanda."

The man mumbles something near-inaudible about _'goddamn bean sprouts,'_ begrudgingly settling into the chair to which Allen has directed him, and being immediately enveloped from the neck down in a black smock with white polka dots. His current sneer is directed upward— likely a response to the soothing old Zero 7 track coming from the ceiling-mounted stereo speakers.

Tough cookies for _him_ then. Allen _likes_ his workplace music.

Sure Cross owns the place, but considering how little time his degenerate absentee _mentor_ spends here as compared to their sister salon (naturally, the one for women) in the next town, it may as well belong to _Allen._ As it is, Allen runs the place— ordering, supervising staff, and so on. Cross hardly gives it a second glance whenever Allen tries to report that he's recruiting new talent. As long as the place brings in a hefty profit for him to blow on wine, women, and God knows what else, Cross couldn't care less what he does.

Allen gave the place its current _name._ Staff at _Gents Men's Hair Studio_ affectionately refer to him as their "crown prince," because to _them,_ _Gents_ is Allen's palace. To _him,_ however, _Gents_ is his _refuge_ ; the sanctuary where he never has to be lonely, and where a young man with freakish, dye-resistant white hair, marred face and oddly tattooed arm can still be a beauty expert.

Lenalee's chewing her nails in anticipation from a waiting area chair that's been relocated close by; Lavi, on another one next to her, appears to be trying to draw out (and thereby enjoy) the build-up as long as he possibly can… by not laughing _yet._ As soon as the other two finally learned what the bet the two of them made was about, they insisted on being present to witness the results. Lenalee even volunteered to put off their tentative plans to have him tend to _her_ hair so they could all enjoy this spectacle _as soon as possible._

It's after hours on a Monday night, but that can't be helped— Cross' salons are ridiculously trendy. Allen doesn't mind the overtime. He doesn't even mind not being _paid_. The pissed-and-helpless look on the guy's face after Allen won their bet and the _indescribable_ one now, as they're about to start, are far too priceless for words.

Loosening the tie from a low-hanging ponytail and bringing long locks of black up through the neck of the smock, he thinks privately that it's also kind of amazing to be able to get his hands on hair _that_ strong and lustrous. Another eager thrill runs through him. Damn BaKanda really does have incredible hair. Running fingers through in appraisal, he unconsciously smiles to himself. His 'victim' claims he doesn't _let_ people touch his hair— all the more delicious the win for Allen— and yet doesn't try to weasel out of this. Too much pride, Allen guesses, to run away or try to hide behind Lenalee's (really short) skirt.

_Poor sucker was_ so _sure he'd win._

"Can we just get this _over with_ so I don't have to see anymore of that damn gloating look of yours?" he hisses, obviously attempting to veil his embarrassment in anger.

"What's that? Such a _low_ voice, Kanda," he mocks, dropping his own pitch as he continues seductively: "I could hardly _hear_ you there."

The _double-entendre_ has its intended effect— He's clearly just _itching_ to beat Allen within an inch of his life. Lavi is now pressing both hands over his own mouth in a sort of X-shape— a desperate attempt to contain the flood of laughter welling up within. But cracks are forming in his makeshift dam… and Lenalee is laughing at _him_.

In all honesty, Kanda's very lucky— Allen is going easy on him. He could have demanded a _lot_ worse to match the stake of allowing Kanda to chop off his _own_ pristine-white _hairstylist's_ (what would his clients think!) hair than only dyeing Kanda's long, midnight-black hair a tastefully _deep_ shade of blue.

(He resists the urge to snicker at any association of Kanda with the word "deep" after _that_ night…)

However, Allen thinks to himself as he does a cursory scan of the man's very healthy scalp, from which the gentle scents of various natural oils arise— he's got a reputation to maintain as a stylist. Allen can't have someone whose hair he's handled blabbing to everyone he knows about what a butcher job he did (not that he believed Kanda would likely talk about it with _anyone_ he knows), walking around looking like _crap_ (not that he expects Kanda spends any significant amount of time in public), or hiding under a _hat_.

_Ha!_ Okay scratch that, he'd actually love to see that last one.

_What kind of hat would Kanda wear?_ He wants to picture something that would look ludicrous— something to laugh at. A fez or pith helmet, maybe. But _instead?_ Instead Allen sees Kanda appearing rather chic in a fedora, understated beanie, or even a _cowboy hat?!_ Allen's traitorous thought process seems to want to make anything and everything work on that head.

_What the hell? Ugh… just concentrate, Walker._

ॐ

Allen is very pleased. It's time to rinse out the dye, but for a while now, he's had a fabulously _blissed-out_ client on his hands. For all the mockery earlier, it's never fun working with a grouchy or fidgeting client… no matter _how_ beautiful his hair is… And for all his grumbling, it seems the guy actually enjoys having his long tresses handled by a professional.

So yes, Allen is ridiculously pleased with how smoothly things are going, but the 'event' has now become so _uneventful_ that Lavi's begun reading a book and Lenalee has fallen asleep— her head on his shoulder, no less. Allen's never really been the jealous sort, but in the back of his mind he wonders why that scene doesn't bug him even just a little bit. Of course he trusts Lavi, and really, he and Lenalee have only been on one date so far, but _still_ …

He tests the water temperature briefly on his hand and— thankfully still without resistance— lowers Kanda back into the specially molded sink. Allen is methodical; removing dye, working in and rinsing shampoos and conditioners expertly. Without much thought, he tosses in his signature head massage as well— usually reserved for only his best tipping regular clients.

Now even the most minute muscles of the head in his hands slacken; facial expression totally relaxed and… alright, he admits disturbingly _handsome_. A soft exhalation escapes Kanda's lips. If he even noticed it happen— the other two surely didn't, anyway— Kanda probably _thinks_ that sigh will be taken as a sign of exasperation. But Allen _knows_ the effect his careful fingers can have on tense necks, scalps, and temples. What he hasn't gambled on, however, is his _own_ reaction— a brief but profound thump to his heart, and warm surge of joy that unmistakeably goes beyond what he'd generally feel for a job well done.

Not knowing what to think, Allen simply decides _not_ to.

ॐ

Finishing up with a slight trim, all good things must come to an end.

"Ever thought of— no, never mind."

"What?"

"No, it's okay."

"Tch."

Allen clicks his tongue, irritated.

"Don't you _'Tch'_ me, jerk! Arrgghh, _fine!"_ Feeling affronted with inexplicable severity, he moans; "I just wondered if you've ever thought of wearing your hair down, okay? Jeez."

"Gets in my eyes."

"There are ways to deal with that you know."

"It's a pain in the ass."

"A bit of hair over the eyes can also look appealing… _"_

_Oh! His eyes are blue…_

_Damnit, focus, Walker!_

"No thanks."

"How about we try—"

"No."

"But—"

" _Moyashi,"_ he warns.

"I _told_ you last weekend: I'm neither a 'moyashi' nor a 'bean sprout,' _BaKanda."_

"They're both the same thing and yes you are."

"The name is _Allen!_ God. Maybe I should have dyed your hair _green_ so you could match your precious gardens."

As if that was what he'd actually done, Kanda immediately turns to the mirror to inspect his hair more closely. He seems surprised— but not at all displeased by the subtle bluish-black hue in his still-wet hair. Allen now becomes aware he himself isn't even sure what he wants to accomplish anymore. He wanted to humiliate Kanda, right? Now he's happy the man looks… _impressed?_

_It's just because he's so difficult to win over._

Then he hears Kanda's smug comeback: "IF you could grow a beard, you'd be the perfect garden gnome yourself, shorty."

Lavi begins to snicker and rub his hands together like a cheesy old cartoon villain. "Muwahahaha! At long last! The kind of moment I've been _waiting_ for."

Allen thought he too would be laughing by this point, but at some part of the way through, _something_ threw him. "Arghhh!"

He's not even sure _why_ he's become so frustrated anymore.

Soon he's blowdrying Kanda's hair; watching it take on excellent sheen and great definition, highlighting the new dark blue tint. The flawless result, he decides, at least brings him modicums of satisfaction and encouragement.

"Allen actually did a pretty good job don't you think, Kanda?" Lenalee prompts.

"Tch. It's not terrible. Now let me tie my hair back." Kanda sets out one hand, palm up, clearly requesting his hair tie.

Pouting, Allen fiddles with the idea of 'losing' the thing, but decides better of it. Instead he takes one last longing look at the dark locks spilling across Kanda's shoulders— coupled with the intensity of the blue in his eyes— before that otherworldly glow is constrained and diminished by a few small twists of fabric-encased elastic band.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

" _Let's braid your hair, Yuu!"_

" _No, that's stupid. I'm a_ boy."

" _So?"_

" _So… boys don't do braiding."_

" _Why not?"_

" _Because… they_ don't."

" _I think your hair would look very_ pretty _braided, Yuu."_

" _Boys aren't supposed to be pretty either, you know."_

" _But…_ you're _so pretty, Yuu, and_ you're _a boy…"_

Kanda sits up in bed. Eyes closed, he pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingertips, both hands coming together, almost as if in prayer. Since he lay down to bed, ancient memories have kept arriving, relentless and displacing much-needed sleep. Meditation allowed him to focus on the present moment for a time, but soon after he was done…

" _Fine, I'll leave you alone if I lose, but if I win, you have to let me braid your hair."_

Goddamn Moyashi. Friday's bet had meant nothing to him at the time, but now…

" _Oy— Kanda! Lenalee sent me to collect you. Come along quietly, now."_

" _Tch. Fuck that. I fucking_ hate _karaoke."_

" _Not my problem. Let's go, freak."_

" _No. Fucking. Way."_

" _Oh I know— You can't_ sing, _can you?_ That's _why you're so_ afraid _to come back upstairs."_

" _Bullshit. I just_ hate _karaoke."_

_Sigh. "Lenalee has requested your company, Kanda, and I'm sure Lavi would appreciate if you stuck around to hear the songs he's singing for_ you, _so instead of standing around the_ drink stand _looking pretty, how about relocating that all-important activity, to oh I dunno… the karaoke_ room?"

" _What_ did you just call me?"

" _Uhhh…_ pretty?"

" _Fuck you."_

" _Think you'd have to go to Lavi for help with that one."_

" _No, fuck_ you _. Don't ever call me that again."_

" _What, even with that_ pretty _face, and long_ pretty _hair, I can't call you_ pretty?"

" _How about I chop that_ mop _of 'pretty' hair off the top of your head, fucking moyashi."_

" _My personalized, highly artistic hairstyle is_ nothing _like a mop, bastard!"_

" _Whatever—_ Moyashi."

" _Huh? I know_ 'usagi' _is rabbit, but I don't know_ that _one…"_

" _Moyashi. Short little 'bean sprouts' like you and your little white clumps of bean sprout hair."_

" _Arrghh… OK, you wanna chop my hair off? Let's make this a contest. I'll_ let _you lop off all you want, but only if you, in all your extraordinarily manly manliness, can sing in a lower key than_ me."

" _What? There's no way a height-stunted little brat like_ you _could win that bet."_

" _Oh I can and I_ will, Ba-Ka-N-Da. _And after I do, you're going to come into my salon and let me dye your hair—_ any colour I want."

" _Tch. Like that'd happen. Fine, you're on…_ Mo-Ya-Shi."

Unconsciously, Kanda twirls some freshly coloured hair between his fingers. _That sneaky little fucker with his ten years of music training no one told me about._ He runs fingers through, inspecting the strands by the moon's rays. _Kanda_ can still see blue, but to someone who isn't looking for it, it would hardly show by this light. He catches a whiff of salon products in his hair. Strangely, his heart races— just a little.

" _Tch. You punch like a girl."_

" _Guess it's true I can't…" Pant, pant. "…beat you in a fight, huh Yuu?"_

" _Told you."_

" _I'll leave you… alone from now on… like I promised." Long sigh. "But you know what? It's okay I can't braid your hair. I just noticed— it's beautiful when you leave it down."_

He covers his face with his hands at the emotions that well up with the memory. His eyes burn. It's already too much… too painful.

But then somehow, a _different_ memory jumps in to jam that train of thought…

_'I just wondered if you've ever thought of wearing your hair down, okay? Jeez.'_

"Yuu…" Lavi moans, groggy but awake.

"Mmm."

"Can't sleep?"

"Mmm."

"Something on your mind?"

"…" Kanda takes a deep, jagged breath… but then nothing comes out. Lavi knows Kanda well enough to be able to tell this is one of those rare times when he just wants to be held… and let no words be spoken.

So that's what he does, becoming a meagre lean-to in the midst of Kanda's inner storm.


	4. Northern Star

"Hey, Lavi! what's up?"

"You free, Lenalee? I uh… I think we should talk."

"This is about Allen, isn't it?"

"Not just Allen. Kanda too."

"Ah _ha._ I see."

ॐ ॐ ॐ

"What do you _mean_ you're 'still not sure' about him?"

"Just exactly that, Kanda. Tell me, what do _you_ think of Allen?"

" _Moyashi?_ Annoying. Harmless. Girly job. What's there not to be sure about?"

"Funny. When I mentioned what _you_ do, he seemed to think it feminine as well."

"Tch. That little…"

"I noticed you fell into a familiar kind of _pattern_ with him at karaoke the other week. Who knows, he might even be more comfortable around _you_ than with me."

"Bull. Just see him some more times. _Without_ me."

"No, I need you there next time. See, he and I met up for lunch today, and you know what? He's still doing that total gentleman act, opening doors and pulling out chairs— the whole nine yards."

"So?"

"So it's the _fourth_ time I've seen him and he's _still_ acting like we're on a first date, like… as if I'm some kind of _princess."_

"Sounds like Komui would approve. Bring _him_."

"Not funny."

"Seriously, what the hell do you need _me_ for?"

"The first time we met him— karaoke night— Lavi says he was a lot more like himself while _you_ were around… but even more… uhh… I can't remember how he put it… free-spirited? Something like that."

"The hell is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means come with us on Saturday, we're going to the botanical gardens by the lake for a special fireworks show after sunset. _Hanabi_ , Kanda. I _know_ how flowers _and_ fireworks fascinate you. It'll be just the four of us again. You're coming, right?

"You're not going to let me _not_ go, are you?"

"Nope."

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Lavi was able to arrange dinner reservations at the garden restaurant, so at least Yuu didn't have to drive all over the globe for this. Not quite on the very edge of town, but still far _enough_. The menu this time didn't include soba but at least they had _ebi_ and _yasai_ _tempura_ on special _._

Allen was easier to please, of course. Any delicious entrées and delectable desserts were fine by him. Coincidentally, Lavi and Lenalee requested the exact same order. So by their server's recommendation, they also shared a half-carafe between them; the ideal wine to complement to their meal.

This restaurant was airier and more brightly lit than the last. It was also _louder_ than its usual by Lavi's estimation, being filled to the brim with excited event-goers. Perhaps that was a good thing, as their _own_ table was disturbingly _silent_.

The four stayed together as they walked the gardens, still largely quiet. Surprisingly, it was _Kanda_ who occasionally became chatty about flora, climate, soil type— or at least, if not _chatty,_ willing to share his opinions with Lenalee on what display choices were made, or the horticultural techniques in use. Lavi expected Allen to jump in and make fun, but strangely, the young man kept quiet. Rather than commenting, he listened carefully to Kanda's expert remarks; at times even nodding _politely_.

Well okay, perhaps it wasn't _that_ strange that Allen was acting different, considering the surreality of their last phone call.

" _Wha-WHAT? You're clearly delusional, Lavi. What on_ earth _would give you the impression that I— It's_ Lenalee _I'm dating, in case you haven't noticed."_

" _Oh I've_ noticed _…" Throat clearing. "No, it's just… I've been_ watching, _Allen. I've seen how you_ look _at him and how you handled his_ hair _. Most importantly, I may not have known you as long as I have_ Yuu— _heh, 'you-Yuu'— but I'm a good judge of character, and I do know you a little. Your unorthodox mentor-pupil relationship with Cross; memories you've shared about Mana— they lead me to believe you play the role of 'Cheerful Gent' for people you're keeping at a distance… like Lenalee. In fact, I think nowadays, the dearer a person is to you, the harsher you can get— to a point."_

" _That's ridiculous, Lavi! How can I be thinking 'dearly' of someone I've only just barely met? And_ Kanda, _of all people? Ha! Impossible!"_

" _You tell_ me, _'bean sprout.' You'd had a few by then, so maybe it didn't mean much to you at the time, but even Lenalee herself thought to send_ you _after Yuu. Know why?_

" _Did Lenalee s—"_

" _The way she saw it, you two really clicked. She wasn't jealous, either. More like… it warmed her heart… 'cause it reminded her of—"_

" _W-well if I'm giving you_ that _kind of impression then there's nothing for it, is there? I'm so sorry, Lavi… I'll be sure to avoid Kanda from now on. Your friendship is—"_

" _No, no, no. Allen, that's not what this call is about. Yuu and I aren't— God, this part is awkward—" Deep breath. "I don't know how else to put it, but uhh… He and I… aren't really…_ together _. It's always been entirely physical between us. The guy is_ hot _— hell, you've seen 'im— and I kind of chased him for a while until he basically gave up and let me crawl into bed with him— prob'ly found it convenient— Anyway, the point is I have no claim on Yuu. And it's okay really, because—"_

" _Wha— Lavi, I'm really sorry but what does this have to do with_ me? _I mean if you just want to talk about how things are for_ you, _I'm more than cool with that, but this sounds like—_ "

" _You know perfectly well where I'm going with this, Allen. Though you probably_ do _need a little 'guidance,' I guess."_

" _Guidance?"_

" _It's just we think that maybe… it's_ different _for you. You and Yuu, I mean. Because it's not just you. Lenalee and I are positive that Kanda Yuu…_ likes _you."_

"… _What…" —the tiniest whisper._

" _Yeah, you heard me right."_

Now they're settling in for the fireworks on a tarp borrowed from Yuu, with whom Lenalee is still conversing. Allen looks, well, kinda shell-shocked.

"Yuu." Lavi drops a hand on his shoulder.

Dark eyes focus on Lavi's smiling countenance. Along with those eyes comes an annoyed frown but still, it seems the man has mellowed out a bit this evening.

"Tell you what. _I'll_ drive everybody home this time, so why not have a few drinks tonight? I won't have any more myself. 'Kay? So what're you havin'? First one's on me."

ॐ ॐ ॐ

An impressive fireworks display has been underway for the last ten minutes. _Baka-Usagi_ managed to procure a pretty good bottle of sparkling wine from God-knows-where. Lenalee packed _senbei_ and _sencha_ too. Kanda's in a good mood.

So it just figures now _bean sprout_ would start acting _extra_ weird. His eyes are on the sky, sure, but obviously not focused on the flowering explosions of light above the lake. Lenalee and the idiot rabbit are absorbed in their own conversation now, even as they watch the show. But _Moyashi?_ Who the fuck knows where his mind is at right now.

It pisses him off.

"Oy. Bean sprout."

"Ah! Kanda…"

_Now why the fuck should he be all startled and wide-eyed like that?_

For some reason, the kid's been all jittery tonight. On edge. And it's getting worse.

"You're supposed to be watching from the ground, idiot, not fucking _space_."

"Right! Yes! Sorry!"

_Sorry?_

"The fuck is wrong with you anyway?"

"Sorry, I was just a little… preoccupied with something… but I'm fine, _really._ Great show, isn't it?" Now the brat plasters on a grin that Kanda could see through with his eyes closed. He's _nervous_ about something.

_Why's he keep apologizing? He drunk? No, that's not it…_

Increasingly elaborate chained bursts of green, yellow, orange, red, purple, and blue overtake the sky for the grand finale, but now Kanda is distracted, himself.

Because Allen Walker is stealing side glances at him.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Fireworks have been done for a bit, but it's a nice night, and while the majority of the crowd has cleared out, some couples and small groups of friends seem to be sticking around. Allen's group is one of them. Of course, since Lavi dropped that bombshell on him, he hasn't been sure _who_ in his own group is in _what_ "couple." He also isn't sure why he's not upset _Lenalee_ is also in on this— something he confirmed by sending her a questioning glance earlier, to which she replied with a grave yet apologetic nod, followed by an 'encouraging' smile and slight jerk of her head toward Kanda. Least of all he can't, for the _life_ of him, explain to himself why he eventually _agreed_ to try this.

"Hey, can you two keep an eye on the tarp? Lenalee's gonna show me the way to the porta-potties. Toodles!"

Allen has to make a conscious effort not to roll his eyes… or slap a hand over his face. He is _so…_ being set up by those two right now, even though he's not really sure how he feels about this whole bait-and-switch of _affections_ Lavi's pulling.

He knows it. They know it. He knows they know he knows it. But Kanda?

Kanda has no fucking clue.

" _Allen, I know you're confused, but I hope you'll keep an open mind… and open your heart a little too. Just… the more I think about it, the more you two make_ sense _. One caveat, though: You know how I said you keep people at a distance emotionally with that gentleman act of yours? Well it's kinda similar to Kanda in a way…"_

" _Oh God…"_

" _Yeah, exactly what you're thinking. The whole 'emotional barriers' thing."_

_Panicked voice: "I don't know how to deal with that, Lavi!"_

" _This is gonna sound even cheesier than 'open your heart' did, but… just be yourself, Allen. Not the 'gentleman' you clown around as— be_ you, _and take it from there. We'll see what happens. And eventually, if you get lucky… Yuu is_ unbelievable _in bed…"_

" _L-Lavi!"_

" _Just sayin'. But that's down the road, yet, kiddo. We gotta get 'im to recognize his feelings first."_

" _WHAT?!"_

Despite his better efforts, Allen's left hand comes to rest on his forehead in a genuine, honest-to-goodness _facepalm_ before he realizes it, and tries to smoothly convert that gesture into a move to sweep his hair back.

"Your arm."

"Huh?" Allen asks dumbly, startled out of his thoughts by the unexpected question.

"What's up with all those tattoos… on a poofy shrimp like you?"

 _Who the fuck is_ he _calling 'poofy,' now?_

After the initial flash of indignation subsides, Allen sighs and runs fingers along the markings on his hand and arm. Without looking up, he responds: "They're reminders."

"Of what?"

_BaKanda: master two-word conversationalist…_

"My… adoptive father." Allen takes a deep breath and chances a look at his interlocutor. The man looks genuinely interested. "He… died… when I was small. _Protecting_ me."

Instead of making the _short_ joke Allen was afraid he'd walked into, Kanda's eyes seem to glaze over. He touches fingers to his chest, between his left shoulder and his heart.

"Kanda… you okay?"

"It's… nothing."

_Well who knew? The guy has a gentler side after all. Or is it the wine…_

Now Kanda undoes his ponytail to run fingers through his hair, before tying it back up again. All while tilting his head back just a little, so it faces the darkened sky. Allen knows he's done for when his breath hitches and his heart bounds just because of this small sequence of movements…

_Fuck. It's true. I really am…_

"What's with that look, Moyashi?"

"No I just— What… do you think of that hair colour, Kanda?"

"You went easy on me. Could've been a lot worse… I don't _hate_ it."

Allen has to suppress the stupid, mushy smile that's threatening to break out across his face. He opts for watching the sky, himself. "Um, the stars are out."

"Yeah."

"Mana— my father— used to tell me about the stars." He's babbling, but he doesn't care, because right now he feels unexpectedly _elated_. "Do you know them?"

" _No,"_ he scoffs.

"What about _Ursa Major_ — the Big Dipper?"

"I'm too focused on what's in the _ground,"_ he replies, rueful yet introspective. "…to spend much time checking out the _sky."_

 _That can't just be about_ plants…

"OK, then how about this?" Allen, feeling emboldened, folds over his section of the tarp.

"What are you—"

"Lie down." He gestures at the uncovered earth and Kanda looks at him like he's lost his mind. "No, really… spread out on the grass… just like this."

Allen demonstrates, looking up at an apprehensive Kanda who's eyeing him warily.

"I'm on the ground. I can touch it—" He stretches his arms out away from his sides a moment for show, then slowly brings them back parallel to his body, before pointing one hand upward. "—but at the same time, I can still look _up_. At the sky."

A very long moment passes, during which Allen fears he may begin to regret his impulsiveness.

Then, finally…

"Idiot bean sprout…" Kanda _says,_ yet folds the tarp farther aside and lies down anyway.

Now Allen _knows_ he's grinning like the 'idiot bean sprout' he evidently is. "Just teaching you to use your five senses, _BaKanda."_

"Tch." Allen figures he must be imagining things when he thinks he sees one corner of Kanda's mouth quirk upward for a split second. He can barely believe it when the man sits up again for a second to reposition himself a little _closer_.

When Allen feels a hand brush his left arm— even though he _knows_ it's entirely by accident— his heart stutters so horribly he almost can't breathe.

For the first time, but not likely the last, he wonders how he fell so damn hard…

And _fast_.

"Ursa Major, that cluster of stars over there— follow my hand— yeah, there. For centuries, sailors used it to find the North Star, Polaris, marker for the North Pole. It's the one glowing the strongest— right _there."_

"Mmm."

"Without stars to navigate by, countless crews of seamen would have gotten hopelessly lost on the ocean, never to see your _precious_ and _beloved_ ground ever again."

"Tch. _Dork."_

Allen lets out a good-natured chuckle before chirping back: "Prick."

"What else?"

"Let's go with… How about the planet Venus? The really bright one, straight _that_ way. Represents the Roman goddess of love— Aphrodite to the Greeks."

"Nerd."

"Jerk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Japanese terms:**  
>  **Hanabi** (花火) - Fireworks. Written with the characters "flower" (花) and "fire" (火).  
>  **o-senbei** (お煎餅) - Salty ( & often sweet) Japanese rice crackers. Kanda drops the "o-" in front because he's not being polite. :P  
>  **Sencha** (煎茶) - Variety of Japanese tea that's *probably* easiest to find sold in large plastic bottles even outside of Japan I'm guessing. Japanese, Chinese or "green" tea in general is **"o-cha"** (お茶), while "black tea" is **"koucha"** (紅茶).


	5. Halfway

 

It's official. As far as Lavi's concerned, Allen's accepted the fact he's head over heels for Kanda. As far as she can tell, Lenalee thinks so too… meaning they're _halfway_ there. However, they both know it's the _other_ half who's most difficult to get in touch with his own feelings.

Then there's the whole _other_ matter of her and Lavi.

"So… you two?" Kanda queries, sounding not nearly as perturbed as she thinks he _should_.

The café they're seated in is a popular spot for brunch. In the pause after Kanda's words, Lenalee hears dozens of knives and forks clinking against plates all over the small dining room, layering over the buzz of the numerous conversations going on around them. Some animated, some more subdued. Like the one they're having right now.

"Yes… us… two," Lavi confirms cautiously, sipping his coffee for cover as he links hands with Lenalee under the two small, pushed-together tables at which they're seated.

The pair sits opposite a lone Kanda Yuu.

"I'm so, so sorry, Kanda. Neither of us meant for this to happen! We really were trying to just be _friends_ , but then we kept getting closer and— I love you like my own _brother_ — I'd never _ever_ want to hurt you. You _know_ that, right?" She gushes with an almost _hysterical_ desperation. "We just…"

Lenalee is just too _emotional_ to put into words how conflicted she feels. It doesn't matter to her that Kanda barely acknowledged his fling with Lavi. She was a total _heel_ to have made him screen and vet so many guys on her behalf, only to finally fall for the one _he_ was sleeping with. It still felt just as much to her like she was _stealing_ Kanda's guy. Lavi's fingers brush the back of her hand; their touch soft, yet also firm and supportive.

"Before we realized what was going on, we were just… _drawn_ to each other, Yuu."

"But— We never acknowledged it. We never talked about it. We each tried to suppress our feelings… but when Lavi brought Allen into the picture, it became _painfully_ clear that wasn't going to work. Then talking about it led us to… _this_ …"

"Yuu, I… I feel really awful that—"

"Fine. Fine with me. Whatever."

"You're _sure,_ Yuu?" He's still cautious.

"So we… have your _blessing?"_ Lenalee asks, breathless and hopeful; tears already streaming down her cheeks. Lavi squeezes her hand as if to impart further encouragement.

"I can manage fine on my _own,"_ he answers, seemingly offended at the perceived insinuation he might _not_ manage. However Lenalee and Lavi glance at each other in concern at 'on my own.' "Worry about Komui… and that _bean sprout._ "

Their server arrives at this moment, grabs their order marker off the table and— astutely aware of the delicate atmosphere— sets their orders out noiselessly, only quietly murmuring; "Two Sunday Brunch specials and one Full English Breakfast. Enjoy."

_Good server. We should probably leave her a decent tip…_

She and Lavi aren't totally out of the woods yet, and there's still the fragile matter of _Allen_ to broach, but now, Lenalee feels she can at least relax enough to enjoy her meal. Because she knows Kanda gets a kick out of it, and because she truly is thankful for this moment they're sharing together, Lenalee brings her hands together and offers a mock-reverent _"Itadakimasu."_

When Kanda's quirky little smile appears for an instant, she relishes it.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Kanda is mildly surprised, but not truly bothered by Lavi and Lenalee's admission. Actually, now that the two have paired up, that _Usagi_ will potentially become a greater presence in his _family_ life— something he'd been resisting for as long as his former 'Occasional Lover' insisted they were 'friends.' Now _that_ is the more disturbing implication here. But as long as the idiot isn't hanging off _his_ arm, he supposes it doesn't matter that much.

Still, Kanda feels a bewildering mixture of feelings right now, that he'd really rather _not_ have to deal with. He _knows,_ better than anyone, that he's terrible with his feelings. All the more reason _not_ to acknowledge them, he… _feels_ …

_Ugh._

He decides to eat _mindfully_ now, concentrating on the mixture of scents wafting subtly through the room; colours, temperatures, textures and flavours in his breakfast; even the chattering voices all around them. He usually prefers utter silence when he can have it, but there _are_ some times when, even for him, that can just be… embarrassingly _awkward._ This is definitely one of those times.

' _Just teaching you to use your five senses,_ BaKanda.'

_Damn cocky bean sprout._

"Kanda." Lenalee's voice jerks him back out of those intruding thoughts.

He makes eye contact to indicate she has his attention.

"I still wonder— what do you think of Allen?"

_The hell. The woman's a mind reader._

"What? What about him?"

"You spent a good chunk of time together last night. I thought it was cute, how you were getting along when we got back."

_She does this on_ purpose _because she_ knows _she can get away with it…_

"So? I was in a good mood, and he was being less irritating than usual."

"He's kind of cute though, isn't he, Yuu?"

_Oh_ hell _no…_

"Kanda, he just looked so _happy_ and you were so _relaxed_ , we—"

He narrows his eyes. "What are you getting at?"

"I won't beat around the bush, Yuu. We think you and Allen could make a really good—"

Before he can even register what he's doing, Kanda lets his knife and fork clatter noisily onto his plate and hauls out of the place, slapping down a twenty for his part of the bill as he goes. Soon, he sits behind the steering wheel of his truck, simultaneously stewing over the torrent of thoughts flooding through his mind, and trying to tame his wild emotions.

' _Where are you going, Yuu?'_ Alma's voice asks so _innocently_.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

"Well _that_ went well," Lavi comments sarcastically, resting his chin on his hand.

_Could've been worse though. Good thing Miranda's only got shatterproof dishes..._

"Half of it really _did_ go well _,"_ Lenalee responds optimistically, patting his thigh. "He wasn't going to take it well the first time someone brought it up. He probably won't do well the _second_ time either, come to think of it."

"Really? Huh. I thought it was just _me,"_ he laughs.

Lenalee smiles beautifully at him now and he can't stop grinning, himself. They've gotten as far as ensuring they're free to be together without sneaking around… aside from _Komui._ And they'll deal with _him_ later on. Now it's just a matter of ensuring Kanda is free to be with Allen without beating anyone (including himself) up over it.

Lavi's phone rings and Lenalee giggles at the sounds of campy old monster horror thriller theme music. "Speak of the devil, it's _Allen."_

"Interesting."

"Hey 'sup dude?"

" _Lavi, I've got an err… a question for you."_

"Yeah?"

" _I'm just downtown shopping and I was thinking about some stuff and um…"_ Boy, the kid sounds scattered. _"Ah… Is this a bad time? Or maybe I should get to the point…"_

"Wait a sec. Hold that thought. Where you at downtown? 'Cause _we're_ at Miranda's Café right now."

" _Oh! I'm only a few blocks away— hold on, who_ else _is there?"_

"Oh, just me and Lenalee. Yuu _was_ here but he just uh… kinda _left."_

He smirks as Lenalee rolls her eyes.

" _Hmm. Will you be there long?"_

"We're not in any hurry— Are we?" he turns to Lenalee and she shakes her head in confirmation. "Nah, we're fine. Gonna come over?"

" _I'll be there in like five minutes—"_

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Evidently, Lavi thought it would be really amusing to offer Kanda's barely touched Full Breakfast to Allen. He was totally thrown when Allen suggested _delivering_ it to Kanda instead. Actually, he and Lenalee were doubtless torn between egging him on and holding him back. They explained apologetically (Lenalee) and sheepishly (Lavi) about the terms on which Kanda left, and warned him the man might be more than a little emotionally volatile right now.

" _Are you sure this is a good idea, Allen? We're really sorry for setting him off… but honestly, neither of us expected you to try anything so soon."_

" _Don't you think you should give it a little more time? You're well-acquainted with Yuu's infamous temper by now… It's probably better to wait till he's better primed…"_

He knew it was probably a really foolish thing to try, but he could hardly _think!_ He feared he might burn his apartment down when he went to cook dinner, or accidentally snip half of a client's hair off on Monday due to the constant distraction. For the sake of his _sanity,_ he _had_ to gauge for _himself_ the depth of the man's supposed feelings for him.

Even in the face of likely rejection.

Or maybe _not_ rejection? According to Lenalee, it was a _good_ sign— in some ways— that Kanda couldn't handle talking about it. To her and Lavi, that in itself was practically a confession of feelings.

But then again, the volatility thing.

He definitely wasn't ready to _face_ those feelings yet.

" _I think that right now, if pushed too hard one way, he'll push right back in the opposite direction, with ten times the force. Be careful, Allen."_

" _Yeah man. We want things to work out for you two… Especially considering uh… everything… else."_

ॐ

Seems, according to Lavi and Lenalee, Kanda was able to finagle a gig working the gardens by that Japanese restaurant on the outskirts of the city— the one from the day they _met._ Allen can kind of see that. It's not like Kanda's got a sparkling personality, but even back when he thought the man was nothing but an insufferable _ass,_ there was that… _impressive_ … quality about him. Also, it must help that he not only knows his way around a garden, but knows _Japanese_.

And maybe that he's good-looking. Very, _very_ good-looking.

In any case, he hopes finding his way all the way out here on his own will be worth enduring the way Lenalee's face lit up at the _'romantic'_ qualities of Allen surprising him _there._

_Ugh._

It was a long trip out, but Allen didn't mind. He just allowed himself to space out, occasionally checking back into where he was as scenery outside the bus windows changed gradually from crowded blocks of architecturally impressive, historically significant buildings and walkable, boutique-filled streets to shorter buildings in sparser and sparser clusters, to isolated, walled-in suburbs and retirement communities with greater and greater amounts of greenery cropping up in between until there were little more than fields of _grass_ around. Hard to miss his stop when it's the _last_ one.

From there, he found the dirt road indicated in the web-based map on his phone, and began walking the rest of the way there.

The Japanese garden was more romantic by _night,_ he thinks to tell Lenalee, but it's still very fascinating by day. While isolated arrangements of flowering shrubs or clumps of trees certainly can be found here and there, the place is more of a minimalist collection of varying surfaces, colours, and textures. Wood plank walkways and bridges crisscross over calming koi ponds and trickling stream; mossy stone paths lined with similarly mossy stone lanterns; the occasional viewing areas equipped with simple stone seats or the odd wooden bench. Naturally, Kanda would do "volunteer" work in a quiet place of solitude.

Halfway through turning the corner around a simple rest area and tea house incorporated into the surrounding scenery, Allen freezes in place. A short distance away lies an archetypal Zen garden. Surrounded by a narrow, rectangular frame of small black rocks is a field of smaller white pebbles, raked into parallel lines and occasional swirls around the few enormous grey stones jutting up from the ground.

Currently, that raking is being performed by none other than _the_ Yuu Kanda.

Allen pauses in the shaded cover of the small building to watch, for a moment. It's been unseasonably _hot_ for late autumn— still _summer_ weather, really— and to his (guilty) pleasure, the man performs the job _topless._ Kanda's long-sleeved t-shirt is tied down over his head like a funky little turban, and his cargo pants rolled up over his knees. His back is strong and his shoulder blades shine; much of his hair is swept up into the makeshift head wrap but wisps of blue escape at the edges; some clinging to the nape of his neck. He walks backward, trailing the rake in front of him and although unaware, moving closer and closer to Allen.

The young voyeur isn't entirely successful pushing impure ideas from his mind.

' _Eventually, if you get lucky… Yuu is_ unbelievable _in bed…'_

And oh, the mental images.

_Oh my god, Lavi! Why oh_ why _did you have to say that?_

Kanda looks amazingly at peace as he works. Allen is having second thoughts about interrupting… until the rogue crumpling of the paper doggie bag in his right hand alerts the object of his gaze to his presence. Damn involuntary hand squeeze! Still somewhat awed by what he sees, Allen doesn't even have the reaction time to duck back behind the corner again without being seen.

" _Moyashi?"_

"Allen," he corrects, walking forward (and controlling his reaction to the frontal view of _topless_ Kanda). His eyes are drawn to an interesting design inked into the upper left of his chest, right about where Allen noticed his fingers touched, the night before.

"What are you doing here?" Kanda asks, sounding miraculously even-tempered as he sets down the rake and rubs his forearm across his brow.

"Food delivery?" Allen answers feebly, raising the take-out bag in front of his face and stammering on; "Umm… I was just in the neighbourhood and I— I mean not _this_ neighbourhood since this is practically out in the country, but— I mean—"

"You were at Miranda's Café."

Is this eerily calm Kanda _rescuing_ Allen from his frazzled thought processes?

"Y-yeah, and Lavi said you left _this."_ Allen holds out the bag, bracing himself for cruelty or mockery over travelling so far to deliver an abandoned meal gone cold.

Strangely, those words don't come. "So… you came all the way out _here?"_

"Yeah. I was _going_ to take a taxi, but I didn't have the cash on me and they said you would be here for a while anyway, so I figured I had time for the bus—"

"Buses _reach_ all the way out here?"

"The last stop is supposed to be half an hour's walk away… of course somehow, I managed to make it take an _hour."_

Kanda's laugh feels _lighthearted_ — not derisive or haughty.

"After I finished my errands I pretty much had a free day on my hands, so it's okay. Nothing better to do, really." Allen suddenly becomes conscious of the fact he's been holding his arm out waiting for Kanda to take the bag all this time. "Don't want it?"

"Tch," Kanda snatches the bag up in a quick swipe, "I was actually getting kind of hungry. Guess I'll have a bite _now,_ then."

Kanda turns his back and starts to walk away, then stills, looking back over his shoulder. Allen hastens over by his side and, taking that tacit invitation, keeps company while he finishes his meal on the low, tree-covered ground behind the tea house, where they can see but not be seen. Butterflies flutter throughout his midsection relentlessly, but he controls the urge to take things any further.

It's warm, and they're closer, and Allen decides he's come far enough for now.


	6. Only Human

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just one more chapter to go after this one! You know what that means? Here comes the DRAMA, folks. =:O Don't blame me, blame this Day 6 THEME for Yullen Week (see chapter title). OK fine, I guess blame me too, but did I mention there's one more chapter? Yes, OK, good... xD

It's Thursday, and Kanda's still not entirely sure why Walker showed up at the Japanese garden, close to a week ago. He's also not sure why it didn't disturb his mood at all to see him. Maybe 'cause the kid was _offering_ food and not stuffing his own face with it?

' _I won't beat around the bush, Yuu. We think you and Allen could make a really good—'_

Since then, no one has mentioned the conversation Kanda _didn't_ have with them.

But he _did_ spend time with the bean sprout.

" _So_ 'Om,' _huh? That a new tattoo?"_

" _Had this tat since I was fifteen. It's just… never faded. Yours?"_

" _Started at eighteen and got the last of these when I was turning twenty— reminders, like I said last night. A ten-year memorial for the time I spent with my dad. These 'symbols' are characters Mana and I came up with— our own alphabet. I used it to spell out some… inspirational… words of his. Why 'Om,' though?"_

" _This… is a kind of reminder as well."_

He's not sure how it came to this, but Kanda's been asked for his 'professional opinion' on the large planters in front of that _Baka-Moyashi's_ glorified barber shop. The arrangement appears dull and uninspired to Kanda's eyes, and he doesn't mince words in saying so.

Instead of the most generic flowers anyone can find in practically any grocery store, the bean sprout should choose either exotic flowers reflective of the _upscale_ character of the establishment, or groomed potted shrubbery. Topiary would add a whole new level of sophistication to his storefront.

Walker liked the idea of potted topiary, so he's invited Kanda inside to discuss further how he should go about it, and if Kanda were to be involved, what kind of costs there would be, _etcetera._ Most of that discussion completed, Kanda's been sitting in the office, upstairs from the salon proper, waiting impatiently for the young manager to return with cups of water from the cooler in the staff's small break room. Now he finally reappears, closing the door behind him.

He sets his own mug down; softly offering the other to his guest; "Here, Kanda."

Kanda nods, which is as much thanks as the bean sprout can hope to expect from him. In that brief instant however, he realizes Walker's smile has at some point become surprisingly genuine. Perhaps since Sunday? Or maybe even Saturday. He's not sure why it should matter, but that smile is striking to him in its honesty.

 _Is Moyashi just_ that _happy? Here, now, with no one but_ me?

He reaches to take the admittedly tasteful matte black coffee mug of cold water from his host, and their fingers accidentally brush together. He catches Walker's ever-present smile _tightening_ now, and instinctively, looks past the mug to make eye contact.

In the fraction of a second it takes for him to register the piercing pale silver of those eyes, the mug is out of his hands. Out of _Walker's_ hands too; fumbled and careening toward the floor. Icy water flies into both their faces, and onto Kanda's knee as the mug bounces off of it to roll a short arc along the floor.

" _Ah!"_

" _Christ!"_

"Oh my _God,_ I'm so _sorry_ Kanda! Hang on a sec." Not bothering with himself at all, Walker grabs a spare salon towel from a nearby shelf and tries to soak up as much of the water as possible from Kanda's face and clothes, pressing it firmly against him.

"Never mind me— you're wet too, bean sprout."

Without thinking, Kanda, raises an unused portion of the same towel to Walker's face, to remove the water droplets streaking down his reddening cheeks and hanging from his chin. He shivers, presumably from the chill.

"B-BaKanda, it's fine—"

"Hold still, klutz."

"Hey give me a break, I'm only hum— _AH!" Moyashi_ appears suddenly alarmed: "I'm _slipping!"_

Oh. Right. Wet floor.

He falls forward into a wobbly straddle over Kanda's lap. Feeling charitable, Kanda holds his sides to stabilize him, rather than allowing the idiot to topple sideways onto the floor. When Kanda feels hands on his shoulders, he presumes Walker will find his balance and get _off_. But instead, the invader of his personal space brazenly picks up a lock of the hair he himself turned midnight _blue,_ letting it glide between his fingers; a strangely soft expression playing on his face.

_Déjà vu…?_

"Oy—"

"Kanda," he near-whispers, voice breathless and mournful. "I don't think I can _stand_ it anymore…"

"What, you mean the _hair colo—"_

Mid- _apparently_ -idiotic question, Kanda finds bean sprout's lips meeting his own; hands squeezing his shoulders. The kiss is short and sweet— quick on the attack, if lingering in its execution— but unexpectedly tender and expressive. Walker's gaze is downcast as he pulls slowly away, while Kanda is wide-eyed; shocked…

But _not repelled?_

"I meant… _not_ … doing _that_ ," he breathes, voice barely perceptible.

" _Oh."_ The cracked voice coming from Kanda's mouth sounds foreign to his own ears. A foreign _hand_ reaches for _Moyashi's_ face too, tracing his scarred cheek with its thumb. _Moyashi_ looks up now, searching his eyes, and Kanda feels compelled to obey a foreign _desire_ that urges him to lean in, himself. Midway he shudders slightly, and then completes his plunge into _foreign_ waters.

The kiss Kanda initiates is uncertain; exploratory. Yet Walker renders it _steamy_ with little more than some small, pleased noises, and arms encircling Kanda's neck. Those two limbs are _fiery,_ slipping slowly down his chest, under his arms and up his back till scorching hands collect fistfuls of cloth; knuckles burning into his shoulder blades through thin, stretched fabric. The owner of those hands wants them _inside_ his shirt, he gathers, but has stopped short of going that far. He wonders how it might feel, _bean sprout's_ hands on his skin…

 _Have I…_ wanted _this…?_ Kanda asks himself, heart drumming against his chest. They pull out of the kiss in tandem. Walker doesn't vacate his current perch but instead, panting unevenly, he touches their foreheads together.

Without looking up, he begins; "Kanda, I—"

"Idiot apprentice! Save the 'office sex with the gardener' bullshit for somebody _else's_ office." A towering man with long, wavy hair as red as the _Baka-Usagi's_ has appeared in the doorway, sneering in their general direction, yet simultaneously seeming _amused_ …

"Ah! _Master Cross!"_ Head whipping to the side to face the door, the red flush to Walker's cheeks recedes to a frightened pallor near-instantaneously. He freezes and stares out, wide-eyed, from Kanda's lap.

"Heard you had someone here to fix your girly flowers out front, but it seems _he_ might be just as _girly."_

"Master, _please!"_ he angrily objects.

" _Who's that, Yuu-kun? A friend of yours?"_

" _N-No, i-it's n-nobody—"_

A tsunami of unwelcome emotions appears mere seconds from sweeping Kanda away. He could _drown_ beneath those giant waves… but he _won't_. Not _here;_ _especially_ not _now._ In a rash moment of panic, he gives Walker a thoughtless shove to the chest, realizing too absently and too _late_ that the kid's been sent hurtling to the floor. That probably isn't good, but Kanda isn't stopping to think about anything here.

"Kanda, what are you—"

He flies out of his seat and bolts for the stairs.

"Don't you think we should _talk—_?" Walker's voice calls out from behind him.

He can also hear Cross' unimpressed drawl a little farther away: _"Oh, so sexual harassment then, was it? Well done, champ."_

Kanda is just getting behind the wheel when Allen sprints out the front door after him, panting hard, and slaps his palms repeatedly against the side of the truck for attention.

"Wait, you can't just—" he shouts into the tinted windows.

Oh yes he _can._

As he starts up the truck, the flat-palmed pounding stops. Now, Walker's hands are balled up into fists. He hurls an emotional cry: _"Coward! You're a_ COWARD, _Kanda!"_

He drives away.

' _Where are you going, Yuu?'_

_Nowhere, Alma…_

ॐ ॐ ॐ

" _So what's with…" Circumspect tone, understated glance._

" _Oh, my scar?"_

_Nod._

" _You know how I told you yesterday that Mana died protecting me?"_

_Cocked head._

" _It was a freak accident. It had barely been six months since we left London, I was almost ten years old, and Mana was taking me to the zoo for a children's Hallowe'en event. We were walking down the street dressed as matching clowns _…_ "_

_Weak smile. Look away._

" _We waited for the light to change and looked both ways stepping into the intersection, but at the very last second, there was a drunk driver swerving toward us. He hit a stopped car, and they skidded right toward us—" Deep breath._

_Patient blue eyes watching._

" _Mana… wrapped himself around me to cushion the impact. He got hit so_ hard _… yet I got off with only a few bruises and this scratch."_

" _That was_ more _than just a scratch…"_

" _Yeah, well. I could've had much worse than a ruined face. Poor Lavi lost an—"_

" _Tch._ Ruined? _Lenalee thinks that mark looks 'cool' …a-apparently." Scowl. Look away._

_Hollow laugh. "Does she, now?"_

" _You'd have to be really_ vain _to think that 'ruins' your face, bean sprout."_

" _It's ALLEN, BaKanda! And I'm NOT vain—"_

" _Tch. Whatever, beauty queen. The point is you're_ not _hideous, alright?"_

" _Kanda, you sweet-talker! I'm so flattered!" Grin._

" _Shut up, smartass." Blush._

"Oh _honey…_ I don't even know what's going on, but I can _feel_ something's not right and I'm just so _sorry_. You getting your usual? Or wouldja prefer something _else_ today, hon?"

"One vanilla milkshake, please."

Too miserable to continue his work day, Allen took his coworkers up on their offer to handle his appointments, and went where he could get the best comfort food (and most sympathetic service): _Jeryy's._ Being that he's a regular, and a favourite of the chef himself, the savvy restaurateur has come out to serve him personally.

"Just a shake today? We've got Japanese flavours on special for a limited time: matcha, black sesame, or _kinako!_ Would you like me to whip one of those up? Just for _you,_ I'll only charge for the vanilla," he winks playfully.

"Thank you Jeryy, but I'll just go with the plain shake for now, please." Allen offered what he suspected was probably a pitiful smile attempt. He'd bared his soul today, only to have it toyed with and trampled on. He didn't have the energy to fake a convincing one.

"Aw _sweetie_ … that bad, huh? Well never you mind. Have a seat and we'll take care of your order in a snap, 'kay?"

"Thanks," Allen nodded, sincerely grateful; then skulked over to his usual booth.

_"Now what do we always say when we fall?"_

_"Ouch!"_

_"Oh Allen."_

_Giggle._

_"Good grief, you're becoming a clever one! You know what I mean."_

_"Of course, Mana! 'Get back up, keep on walking.'_ That's _what to do when we fall."_

_"Good boy! Let's go get you that milkshake—"_

Elbows on his booth table, Allen clasps his hands and rests the front of his chin on his knuckles. To others, it might look as if he's bowing his head in prayer.

 _Mana, I tried so hard to be patient. I know they'll tell me he might still come around eventually, but this…_ hurts. _What if he does it_ again?

Lenalee had warned him…

_'I think that right now, if pushed too hard one way, he'll push right back in the opposite direction, with ten times the force. Be careful, Allen.'_

Even before that, he'd already _heard_ about Kanda's 'emotional barriers…'

_'I don't know how to deal with that, Lavi!'_

Yet even still, they both seem to think Kanda _cares_ enough that it's _worth_ him trying. Should he have waited longer? How _much_ longer?

Allen's no _saint._

 _"No, Mana,_ please _don't— N-no! There's got to be—"_

 _"I'm so sorry, Allen. I even made you say_ please."

_Tears. Silence._

_"Okay, okay, that wasn't funny. But I want you to listen carefully."_

_"We can still—"_

_"NO, Allen!" Hardened face softens; "Just listen to me. There isn't enough time. I've lived well— nothing to regret now… except one very important thing—"_

_Feeble wail: "Manaaaa—!"_

_"Hush, Allen. I've always wanted for you to be happy— you know that right?"_

_Sniffle. Nod. Quivering lip. "M-me too. I want you to be happy too."_

_"Remember what I've told you, Allen? Promise me you'll never stop. Never let this or anything else stop you. For your own sake, keep on walking. For_ my _sake, too."_

_Hiccup._

_"Promise me, Allen," cough, wheeze; "That will… make me… happy…"_

_"Yes, Mana."_

_"Yes what?" Kind smile._

_"Yes, I'll keep on walking." Strained smile._

_"No matter what?"_

_"No matter what."_

_"Promise?"_

Eleven years later, twenty-one year old Allen remembers how Mana never wanted him to give up hope— but he didn't want him to hold on to _false_ hope either.

_Don't worry. I won't stop walking, Mana._

ॐ ॐ ॐ

" _Yuu… I talked to Allen. He wanted me to leave you alone, but Jesus_ Christ _there was no_ fuckin' _way I was gonna do that! You were always a piece of work, but…_ Damn _, you can be a real grade-A asshole when you want to be… I'm gonna try calling you again later, and get YOUR side of the story. I mean I know it's hard for you too, but you canNOT go around treating people like that. No one deserves that kind of mindfuck— least of all_ Allen! _Anyway, after dinnertime, I'll call again. Let's talk then."_

ॐ ॐ ॐ

_KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!_

"Kanda, it's Lenalee. I _know_ you're in there. We need to talk. Let me in."

Silence.

"I know you can hear me, you know! If you don't let me in, I'm just gonna talk to ya through the door. You _know_ I'll do it. Do you _reeeeally_ want all your neighbours to hear what I have to say?"

The dead bolt clicks open.

"That's better."


	7. Coming Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we are, folks. The final (and longest!) chapter. **\\(^_^)/**
> 
> See you again at the end of the storyyy~… *hint, hint* **;)**

 

 

Allen Walker is _avoiding_ Kanda Yuu.

Lenalee won't admit it. Idiot rabbit won't admit it. But he _knows_.

Five weeks ago, those two were _enraged_. He thought once they got a hold of him, he'd never hear the end of their wrath for how he treated Bean Sprout. But surprisingly, once he was finally cornered by and spoke with each of them— two separate harrowing, _exhausting_ conversations about _feelings (Tch!)—_ things started to go back to normal. Since then, however, the few times he's been dragged out with Lenalee and Lavi, it's always been just the three of them. He's the _third wheel_ again.

_Or maybe 'spare tire?' Goddamnit._

They still insist he apologize to _Moyashi_ …

Kanda is incredulous. He's done far worse to people than _shoving_ them. Countless times. _Baka-Usagi_ included! However, he's been incessantly harassed into understanding that it's not about _what_ he did or _how_ he did it, so much as _when_ and _why._

So… say he actually _did_ want to try apologizing…

_I have no fucking clue how to even go about it! What am I supposed to_ say? _What am I even supposed to say I'm apologizing_ for, _for fuck's sake?_

By the time he managed to decide he could just start with an "I'm sorry," and wing it from there, Kanda couldn't for the life of him figure out how to get a hold of the kid. Walker was like some sort of pro at disappearing and hiding from people, with a sixth sense for attempts to call (or even visit him at home, the one time he tried). No one _else_ seemed to have trouble, but he wasn't about to let someone _else_ do it for him.

' _I'll leave you… alone from now on… like I promised.'_

Alma had made a _promise_ to leave Kanda be. But that _Baka-Moyashi?_ He started snubbing Kanda all the fuck on his _own._

_Damnit! I fucking HATE this!_

Kanda didn't know what to do… until one morning he saw _roots_ showing.

The guy who answered the phone at _Moyashi's_ salon claimed the sap was booked up for _weeks,_ but agreed to give Kanda an appointment with somebody else. Now, getting the dye washed out of his hair again, Kanda is suspicious. In all the time he's been there so far, the damn brat hasn't appeared once. Not for a single customer…

"That bean sprout, Walker. Isn't he supposed to be around today?"

"Well… umm…" Bean Sprout's pale, but _this_ guy looks like death— with lipstick. And one hell of a bold two-tone dye job of black and white, in a borderline-pompadour. Still, he seems _honest,_ at least. The dead guy bites his thin, blood-red lip for a second before starting again; "Allen's—"

" _Not_ available." Someone interrupts in a nasty, dismissive tone. Blond, hair in a fucked-up topknot hanging off the side of his head— sort of like a ponytail, but _not_. This guy's _phone_ voice!

_Wait— did he mean not_ 'workplace' _available, or not_ 'dating' _available—?_

"Tokusa," dead guy addresses topknot; "I don't think Allen wants you to li—or rather, _speak for him…_ like that."

"Gimme a break, Krory. We all know Allen's too damn nice— then again maybe _you_ don't know, since you're even _worse._ He's totally _defenseless,_ right now."

_This 'Tokusa' guy thinks he's_ protecting _Bean Sprout? How many people did that brat tell?_ Kanda wonders angrily for a moment, but then _remembers:_ they were discovered by the _owner_ of the establishment, and he stormed out through the _salon_ , followed by a frantic _Moyashi_ …

All during business hours.

"Look, buddy. Allen's finally getting _over_ that whole debacle from a month ago. He doesn't _need_ a bastard like _you_ messing with him again." He shifts his hawk-eyed gaze to the other hairdresser. "Oh don't look at me like that, _Kro._ I doubt a guy like him even _leaves_ tips, anyway."

He does, actually. (Lenalee would kill him if he didn't.) For _exceptional_ service.

Death-Warmed-Over qualifies as _exceptionally_ truthful and straightforward.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Allen's just finished his monthly ritual, sweeping leaves away from the frozen ground around the gravesite and polishing the headstone of Mana Walker. Once satisfied, he sits cross-legged by Mana's side, like they used to do on the colder nights in their drafty old home back in England; sharing a blanket and huddling near the fire.

"Hello, Mana. Guess I'm a little early this month…"

ॐ ॐ ॐ

A large, but gentle hand falls upon Kanda's shoulder as a familiar presence steps in behind him. "Yuu-kun, your brothers and I will be waiting for you by Daisya's side as usual. Come join us whenever you're ready."

Kanda doesn't turn his head, or make a sound. The routine is so familiar now, he doesn't really need to reply. Instead, as leaves crunch with the footsteps those walking away from him, he continues to stare contemplatively at the plaque in the ground before him.

_Here rests Alma Karma_

_Dec. 6 1987 - Dec. 6 2003_

He's just set their hardy pink water lily down by the side of the memorial plaque for the duration his visit. At this time of year, it's dormant and doesn't look its best, but that seasonal cycle is actually part of the reason he chose the warmth-loving, floating perennial with its deep roots. After all, there are only two days of the year, six months apart, during which he brings this special vase along on his visits…

Seated in strict _seiza_ , he tries to imagine what the enigmatic and unpredictable boy he knew might say.

"I… fucked up again, Alma."

He sighs.

" _Hahaha! You fucked up, Yuu!"_

" _You've changed…"_

" _Well I had to make sure I don't lose to you anymore, since that time you cleaned my clock back at the orphanage when we were little kids. You won't beat me again so easily anymore, Yuu— just so you know."_

" _No, not that. You're using_ curse _words!"_

Kanda remembered those early senior high school days fondly— how paradoxically _new_ life was, once he happened across Alma _again_ — because this time, Kanda _let him in._ Five years before that, when they were awkward little ten-year-olds, they couldn't have had a friendship like this. Even though they were the same age, in the same orphanage, sleeping in the same _room_ …

' _I'll leave you… alone from now on… like I promised.'_

Alma's parting words, back when the two of them were ten years old. When Kanda had won his 'freedom,' as he'd seen it back then, to be _alone_. Soon after, he was adopted and years passed before one day, while coming home from _kendo_ practice, he encountered a familiar pair of _eyes_ watching him from across the street— just as he reached the path to his front door. This happened another time or two before Tiedoll took notice, and…

" _Who's that, Yuu-kun? A friend of yours?"_

" _N-No, i-it's n-nobody—"_

" _Oh, really? It looks to me like he might want to be your friend, Yuu."_

Tiedoll _knew_ he was lying. The old man's always been disturbingly good at figuring out things like that. It didn't take long before his nosy guardian set him up… by bringing him and his brothers to dinner with the Chang family down the street.

Who had taken _Alma_ in? Why the _Changs,_ of course.

At that two-family _intervention_ of sorts, he was humiliatingly re-introduced to a blushing and embarrassed Alma, 'for the first time.' Under such conditions he had no choice, really, but to conquer his pride. From then on, he and Alma became— there was no other word for it— _friends_. Nearly _inseparable_ friends.

Alma wasn't a _girl_ like Lenalee, whom Kanda met in the elementary school Tiedoll moved him into when he was still small. Unlike when they were little kids, Alma didn't _act_ girly either. Lenalee was a bit tomboyish too, but somehow it wasn't _quite_ the same.

While Lenalee was still finishing junior high, Kanda moved to senior high and encountered this _new_ Alma who did judo while Kanda was in kendo sessions, and who wasn't so sickeningly polite and friendly as his earlier incarnation was. In fact, they would even get into a lot of fights— verbal _and_ physical.

Strangely, they couldn't ever seem to get _enough._

One day, at the conclusion of one such fight, the two sat propped against the same tree in a hidden corner behind the school, sipping sports drinks to rehydrate. Kanda's hair had come loose in the fight; he hadn't bothered to retie it yet. The wind felt nice, blowing through it. Without a word, Alma picked up a lock of that hair, and twirled some of it in his fingers. When Kanda turned to look at him, he tossed the thick ribbon of strands back into Kanda's face so he flinched. When he opened his eyes, Alma was already leaning in, and _kissed_ him.

On the _lips._

He froze like a statue, unsure what to think, say, or do, until Alma spoke to him:

" _Are you mad, Yuu?"_

"… _No…"_

It was only upon saying so that Kanda realized this was _true_.

" _Not really."_

" _What if I did it again?"_

" _I…"_

Kanda was struck dumb. So Alma _did_ kiss him again. Adrenaline jolted him to hyper-alertness. His heart pounded madly. He was very confused, but amongst the jumbled mess of his feelings, there was _one_ emotion Kanda was sure of…

_He stood up shakily. "I… I don't know…"_

" _Where are you going, Yuu?"_

Then Kanda backed away and broke into a run. Away from the school and halfway home again. Somehow, he expected Alma would follow, but he _wasn't_.

He ran back to the school again, an ominous sensation twisting his stomach in knots all the while, only to find a scene to haunt his nightmares. Not far from that tree where they had their first kiss, Alma lay on the ground in a pool of his own blood; a panicky teacher pacing while speaking to emergency services on his cell; crowds of gawkers starting to trickle in; the school nurse arriving _too late,_ to do _too little_ … Where were all these people when, reportedly, a group of four homophobic _assholes_ pounced on Alma?

No. Where was _Yuu!_

Two on four and, Kanda was _certain,_ they'd have had a fighting _chance!_ But instead, he _abandoned_ Alma. All he could do as Alma's life slowly seeped away right before his eyes was to be there beside him, seated _seiza_ -style, holding his hand.

" _I love you, Yuu."_

"… _Yeah."_

At that single syllable of acknowledgment and gratitude, Alma smiled.

So passed the first and last shared birthday of the first and last boy he'd ever have maybe called _'boyfriend.'_ That he'd ever have, maybe in time, come to _love_.

Kanda lets his hair loose for the freezing winter wind to immediately pick up and whip about his face, like Alma did that day.

But now, that hair is _blue._

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Allen's visit with Mana goes much the same as always, with him recounting how life has been, and renewing his promises. This time, he tells Mana he's come to understand why he didn't _want_ Allen to promise to "put everything into everything" he does. He figures Mana doesn't want him to beat himself up over things going wrong, or falling out of his control. So Allen reassures him today: He still intends to keep that promise, but he won't _blame_ himself for his failings, or for matters out of his own control— as long as he's made an honest try. For better or for worse, he'll just keep on walking.

_Always._

But now, walking to the front entrance of the cemetery, he sees a flash of bluish-black a little off to the right, and there observes a familiar mane of hair falling away around a familiar _face_ , as that person stands up to face him _._

" _Bean Sprout?"_

Allen immediately breaks into a sprint in the opposite direction. He's moving _on,_ moving _past_ Kanda, he tells himself, even if he just so happens to be running _away_ from him at the moment (and back the way he came, no less). He detours to the more distant _side_ entrance, checking over his shoulder to see behind him and slipping through the gate quickly as he can manage. This smaller entrance is framed in a lovely marble stone arch (that he has no time to admire right now), which unfortunately appears to have created a blind spot. He plows headlong into another young man, and both fall to the ground.

"Owww—" He whines, pushing up quickly and reaching out to help the other person up (and hopefully diffuse the nasty expression of _anger_ on his face). "I'm so sorry—"

"You dumb FUCK! Oh you are SO getting _jacked!_ Gimme yer wallet, you little _bitch."_

_Oh. Well, then._

At times, Allen almost wants to laugh at the way people tend to underestimate him. If they only _knew_ the kinds of seedy locales Cross dragged him through during his apprenticeship— places where Allen was _forced_ to learn to fight.

The man lunges at him with a knife, and Allen calmly dodges, disarming him with a scream-inducing twist of the wrist. The guy tries rather inartfully to punch with his free right arm, but the swing is easily pushed aside by Allen's unoccupied left.

"Look," Allen advises the futilely struggling attacker, "I assure you, you're not going to get very far with this, so—"

Allen hears a sudden loud _CLAP!_ just above and behind his _head._ Still holding fast to his assailant's wrist, he turns his head in time to witness a brass knuckled fist _stopped_ in midair by the upraised palm of none other than a _furious_ Kanda Yuu! Kanda squeezes savagely at the _other_ man's fingers, causing him to groan in pain. The would-be mugging accomplice was aiming for the top of Allen's _head_ with the dangerous tool in his grasp. Potentially he might have induced a concussion or _worse…_

But _Kanda_ stopped him.

Allen's initial assailant is apparently still seeking an opening, so he sees no choice but to go with the distasteful option of throwing a punch. One well-delivered blow handily sends the man to the ground to curl up and clutch pitifully at his torso. Shaking his fist to relieve the sting, Allen gingerly rolls the guy with his foot for a moment, till he's satisfied he's definitely out of commission for now.

Kanda, meanwhile, has kicked the other guy back, and throws one bone-shattering fist just to the side of his nose. Allen tugs on Kanda's arm to get his attention; "It's alright now. I'm… fine— _thanks."_

Kanda's opponent, now cupping his bleeding nose with one hand, scrambles forward and reaches for his friend. Together, the equally dazed wannabe muggers scrabble off and turn a corner in the distance, exiting Allen and Kanda's sight.

Allen turns back to face Kanda again now, and without a second's hesitation, Kanda wraps his arms around him in a suffocating embrace.

"Kan...da…?"

Slowly, experimentally, he raises his arms to reciprocate, and they both just stand there holding each other for a short while. It may be surreal, but it's not the least bit awkward, and still isn't when Kanda lifts his head from Allen's shoulder, and nudges him into a kiss far more meaningful than before. Their last communicated hesitance and uncertainty, but the passion in _this_ kiss isn't the least bit watered down. Neither makes a sound. They're sinking into each other, Allen feels. Overlapping. Becoming _one._

It's stupid, he thinks, but for some reason Allen wants to cry. He _won't,_ though. Instead, when they finally separate, he asks softly: "Hey. Would you like to meet Mana?"

He backs away a bit more to get a good view of Kanda's arrestingly attractive face as he nods his assent.

Allen takes his hand, murmuring: "OK… _BaKanda._ Let's go."

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Allen introduces Kanda to Mana, and when Kanda's brother Marie finds them, Kanda brings him over to meet the rest of his own family as well. Much has changed in only half an hour's time, but the two of them still have a lot to talk about, of course. So inside Kanda's truck, behind the tinted windows, they exchange apologies, confessions, and _promises_.

Kanda vows not to run anymore;

Allen pledges he won't try to hide.

Of course, there are more _kisses_ too. Feeling exposed again after their talk, they begin tentatively again, but it's not long before things become _very_ heated, and very much in need of a new _venue_. Maybe Allen's today. Maybe Kanda's the next. Though today is far too early— and what they have is far too fragile yet for speak of such things— without knowing it, both think privately that it might be nice to some day come _home_ to this, too.

One day, they _will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand... it's _over!_ That's a _wrap!_ What'd you think, people?
> 
> I have an idea for a sequel (hopefully much shorter, since I won't need to cover seven Yullen Week themes anymore) which is still mainly Allen/Kanda/Allen but has changes in store for Lavi. Basic domesticity FUN (w/ drama, of course) for Allen & Kanda plus some Hurt/Comfort for Lavi.
> 
> Interested? Please let me know in your review!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading to the very end. Feedback is always, always, always appreciated. <3


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